who

It’s during arguments with him that I can see how selfish, self-absorbed, petty, immature and spiteful I can be and I hate it. I think the amount of self-hate I feel in those moments only worsens things.

I’d love to be the totally chill girl with the tomboy attitude, who lets things go easily, maintains a cool temper and shrugs things off. But I’m not, and I never will be. I will over-analyze every last detail to the death, and I do this is because I need to know the truth for myself and believe it before I can begin to move on at all.

Most of all, I need to believe that you love me as much as I love you, that you think about holding my waist as often as I miss nuzzling your cheek, that you anticipate time with me as much as I daydream about our future, that you would not know what to do if you ever lost me.

early 2009 resolutions…

Even as my dashboard still has a post-it with 2008’s resolutions, I guess it’s never too early to get a head start.

I don’t have a list actually, but the one thing that keeps coming to my mind is that I need to get serious about saving money. I plan on locking at least 20-30% (I haven’t decided on a percentage so this is eyeballing it) of every paycheck away into an ING account so I REALLY can’t touch it. I’ll be forced to make do with what I have, kind of like what I’m doing now with my loan payments.

The other thing would be moving out, but that’s slightly dependent upon Y, so I don’t know. Or maybe I’ll consider subletting, but that makes me too nervous about how it might turn out.