MAJOR

Yesterday, I was a careless piece of crap slash laundromat analogy, and today I’m “major”, a “tough motherfu*ker.”

Wow…

From now on, his yelling = any other sane person’s greeting or even, hug. I guess this experience could be likened to crossing a sorority / fraternity. NICE.

he must have his pen container

This morning, my coffee-getting skills were put to the test. P was betting that I wouldn’t have gotten the right coffee, put it in the right ceramic caraffe, with the ceramic cup on a saucer on the wooden tray. Pretty unbelievable…

Then we spent an hour looking for the acrylic pen container from Muji. An HOUR. 5 EMPLOYEES. LOOKING. FOR. A PEN CONTAINER. AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

you’re my biotch, biotch

3:30 pm: Finished my work for the day.
3:31 pm: Picked up OPW’s slack.
5:32 pm: Finished OPW’s work for the day.

Biotch.

“Look! It says, ‘Train for jobs in biotech’!”

PS: It was WAY too satisfying when I commented on how OPW wasn’t doing much work, and GND rolled her eyes and groaned, “IIII know!”

EDIT

PPS: OPW just finished her second and last task of the day, shredding, and she goes “That was officially my last thing to do for the day! Gosh, can I go home now?”

HOLY CRAP THAT’S BECAUSE I DID HALF THE SHREDDING FOR YOU AND BEFORE THAT, I DID ALL THE LABELING THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO, AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN MAKE THE MAP RIGHT SO I PRACTICALLY HAD TO DOUBLE-CHECK EVERYTHING. OMYGOSHSOANGRYBUTIHAVEARIGHTTOBE BUT MAYBEINEEDANGERMANAGEMENT.

And then there were 4…

7 assistants to 4 in 3 months.

WHAT in the world is going on?!

excuse me, do you happen to be menstruating?

I think somebody has their period this week, besides me. Seriously, why is GND so bitchy this week? I feel like there’s something someone’s not telling me. It’s as if I talked shit about her and word got back around, except I DIDN’T. Maybe it’s the whole coming-in-on-time-slash-at-an-ungodly-hour thing…

don’t do the math

On a bad day (aka most of this week)

• commute to work = 1.5 hours
• 830-8 (leaving at 630 is a happy thing for us) = 11.5 hours
• commute home = 1.5 hours
• dinner while watching some tv to veg out = 1 hour
• shower & get ready for bed = 45 minutes
• talk to the boy to say goodnight = 15 minutes
• sleep = 6 hours

A pie chart would be a great way to illustrate the above, but basically, of my waking hours this week, I have about 2 hours to myself where half of that is spent maintaining my health (eating = nutrition, showering = hygiene). 

I can’t help but think that each day I spend here is a testament to my patience, but also somewhat of a waste in that I could be working a different job that could better advance my career. And use my brain.

THEY’RE SUCH SLUTS

!@^&*$^%#@!%#$%#@$##@$!#!

AND TWO-FACED.

THAT IS ALL.

O chairman, my chairman

This is a rundown of the last few hours.

1:10 am: Catching my Vital car to drop off K, and then off to Queens.
2:00 am: Walking in the door, cleaning house, unpacking new Urban order (Made By Elves booties!), a long conversation with the boy, showertime.
2:30 am: Freshly showered, sitting on bed and staring at clothes trying to figure out what to wear to save myself the ordeal for the next morning.
2:45 am: Long conversation continues with the boy.
4:45 am: Conversation ends, and I sleep.
8:45 am: Holy crap I should wake up for work if I want to get there at 10:30… but who cares, we had such a late night, fu*k it. P is ridiculous. FU*K IT.
9:10 am: Oops, I’m gonna be late. My eyes are bloodshot. Let’s just hide behind my Chloe sunnies.
11:12 am: Darting out at Chambers, speedwalk to Amish Market and pick up some Puffins Peanut cereal, while emailing S to check if it’s okay or should I skip breakfast to head in.
11:15 am: Good to go! Strolling down Greenwich with cereal in hand, ravenous. Opening cereal and commence munching while entering 7 WTC. Security guards are puzzled and secretly smile to themselves.
11:22 am: Sitting at desk with Chloes covering my eyes, eating Puffins out of a cup.

Hopefully, I’ll never have to sleep on a closet floor after a 25 hour shift. Now where’s that proposal for an MTV reality show, K?

encroaching upon vegetable status

This was work this week:

Come in late, read blogs until eyes are dry, then proceed to watch family guy until lunch. Go out to the Amish Market or Wholefoods to buy lunch and expense it later, come back to the office. Food coma hits hard, so pass out with mouth gaping open and head back in chair. Wake up because maintenance is coming by to take out the garbage, give impression of consciousness and resume family guy and gchatting.

Sometimes I just want to get up and scream “SOMEBODY STIMULATE ME AND USE MY BRAIN! MY PARENTS DID NOT PAY 168K FOR ME TO GO TO WORK AND DO THE VERY SAME THINGS I DID WHEN I WAS UNEMPLOYED, MINUS THE JOB SEARCHING!”

And, SO FUNNY I CAN’T NOT POST THIS FOR MEMORY’S SAKE:
Since we got hired by PC to redesign all their products, we are now asked to not consume any C products on site. My favorite part of the email follows:

“Over the last weeks, I have been present in situations where A employees have publically ordered or consumed P’s competitive products (i.e. C, DC, S).  Furthermore, if you open the refrigerator today, you will find that someone has left there a can of DC.” 

So absurd, it’s hilarious.