I never…

I never want to be somebody’s yes man. What’s the point…?

The more I’m here, the more I’m beginning to believe that the greatest thing is to be your own boss. It might take more effort, self-sacrifice, ambition and drive than being under a superior, but I think it’s worth it.

It starts now.

this is becoming a blog

solely dedicated to my progress at work. Oops.

So, he looked at my desk a few nights ago and said, “*****. What a great person.”

I’m glad he thinks so because it’s bonus month (though I hear the company’s pretty stingy and taking the economy into account, I’m not expecting much).

I’ve been meaning to write more meaningful things here, but nothing heavy has happened in a while that’s worthy of sharing…

newsweek

S told me I was in Newsweek this morning, while we were getting our coffee. 

Hah… I pretended not to know because it really isn’t that big of a deal, and I could be replaced at any given moment.

I’m just going to enjoy this while it lasts, and work on 40C in between.

more confusion

He just called, and told K to say hi to me. 

Now, I’m just “J”. Hahaha.

burned out

11-hour days this entire week, on top of the 3-hour commute has caused the random waterworks to start up again. Surprisingly, he gave me huge praise today, saying I have “great work ethic”, I’m “so right to be here”, and he never has to worry about me. However, this was after he reminded me of a little snafu yesterday – I started tearing up just because I really have gotten very little sleep, and also out of relief somewhat because I’ve become so subconsciously worried about being laid off. I’ve been putting so much pressure on myself to do everything flawlessly, stressing out at the tiniest mishaps because the culture of stringent perfection that surrounds me every day leaves me feeling inadequate and undervalued.

Well I guess for now, I’m content, just really exhausted. Japanese ramen and Coraline tonight with C makes this Friday that much sweeter.

i don’t run for NO ONE

Another attempt to flip things into the positive.

I hate that in a panic to find baby carrots for the boss, I find myself screaming expletive-laden exclamations in my head directed to PERFECTLY NICE PEOPLE who are just not in the same retarded rush that I’m in.

I know what I’m worth and I’m definitely not paid well enough to “run, or trot” (i’m given the prerogative? wonderful!) for such tedium.

Breathe in, breathe out.

snort

“In the two weeks I’ve been gone, I did sixteen spots, I changed the world.”

Hahahaha……. snort.

it’s all coming together

Work is work, the boyfriend is finishing up this semester soon (and will hopefully have a good review), things with the parents are back to normal (my mom’s nagging is so minimal its unbelievable), the 3-hour-a-day commute has become routine, and somehow, even my house feels warmer now (truly mindblowing). If only I could get back on track with God (seriously), find decently-priced black boots, and lose 10 pounds (i’m starting to hate the subtle belly i have), life would be divine. I mean, things COULD be ideal but now is not the time to complain given the fact that the economy’s not doing well, I have a roof above my head and a job, my health and youth, family and friends.

I haven’t heard from Augustina in a looong time, ever since I sent her that package I wonder what’s up with that? I hope she’s healthy and doing well…

Seriously though, about the getting back on track with God thing.

MAJOR

Yesterday, I was a careless piece of crap slash laundromat analogy, and today I’m “major”, a “tough motherfu*ker.”

Wow…

From now on, his yelling = any other sane person’s greeting or even, hug. I guess this experience could be likened to crossing a sorority / fraternity. NICE.

he must have his pen container

This morning, my coffee-getting skills were put to the test. P was betting that I wouldn’t have gotten the right coffee, put it in the right ceramic caraffe, with the ceramic cup on a saucer on the wooden tray. Pretty unbelievable…

Then we spent an hour looking for the acrylic pen container from Muji. An HOUR. 5 EMPLOYEES. LOOKING. FOR. A PEN CONTAINER. AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!